Monday, May 29, 2017

Kalakalle Fish Cock

Today for lunch I tried out some Kalakelle Fish Cock, from Finland's Varusteleka military surplus store. There's no way I could come up with a a product description as vibrant as Varusteleka's, so I'll do a bit of copy-paste:

A traditional Finnish delicacy in canned version, 5 years of shelf life and does not contain cock! If "Fish Cock" doesn't automatically mean food to you, it's a Finnish speciality - fish baked inside rye bread. This is a perfect snack or trekking food, always ready to eat and contains enough energy to keep you going and enough high quality protein to keep you in shape.

The food is much like a mix of hamburger and pie, made out of rye bread and filled with smoked salmon. The funny part is that because of the hermetically sealed tin can, no preservatives are needed, and the ingredients are the superfoods they always tell you you should eat. Because it's healthy AND it tastes good, this food resembles much like a situation where you are enjoying your beer in a bar and a pretty young girl comes up to you and asks if you would like to go to her place and assfuck her. A deal too good to be true. Except with this food delicacy there is no hidden cock included.

Read the whole description here. (Parts NSFW.)

What you see upon opening the can:

And after digging in. You can clearly see the layer of salmon between two layers of rye bread.

As you can see, there is apparently no cock in the can.

I'd eaten a banana and a snack bar before opening the can. I found it rather dense and filling, so I only finished about half, then stuck the rest in the refrigerator for later.

The fish cock was pretty good for a canned good sold as survival rations. It tasted like a good dark rye bread with salmon (which is of course, what it is). It was on the dry side, however, so you'll definitely want some water to go along with it.

IMO, it would make a good choice for a field lunch or dinner that doesn't require any preparation.

Varusteleka also sells a ham cock version, which I haven't tried. I have tried a few other food items from them:

The chocolates are really good. The whole milk has a definite coffee taste, while the coffee taste is more subdued in dark chocolate, which is more bitter. The salmon groats are good spread on dark bread. It would also be good on pasta.

As of this writing the red tins are out of stock, but they regularly get restocked.

I've placed a few orders from Varusteleka and they've always shipped my stuff quickly. However, getting it cleared through US Customs at JFK Airport always seems to take at least a week. So, if you need something from them allow at least a couple weeks for transit.